A year ago, you couldn't convince me to come back to DeviantART and use it like a proper tool. I was ready to just let it sit as a glorified stash of old art memories which I look back on with fondness and cringe. I was a 15-year-old high school freshman when I began my journey developing my presence online as an artist. Now, I'm 27 (as of writing this journal) and graduated from university, my work has become my online artistic presence. It's become my very livelihood!

There are ups and downs in the choices you make, and every choice is backed up with the question of why. Why come back to this website? Is it because it's fun? Is it because it's who I am? Is it because it will bring in work? Is it all the above?

DeviantART carries a lot of memories for me. I made connections here and long-lasting friendships. I got to explore online culture and adapt to the changes. However, as we all do, I felt like I was getting too grown up for dA - they were my training wheels and I wanted to finally ride the bike without it. All of my memories - the awkward sketches and the daydreamy posts and the teenage angst - are all stored here. Who you are at 15 is drastically different than who you become at 27, or 37, or 77, and I felt like I was no longer the right person to hold onto this account, and so I was ready to abandon it to the memories it harbors. To leave it to the 15-year-old high school girl before she grew up.

So why did I come back? I'd forgotten the password, first of all. Almost didn't have access to my own account, it's been so long. Secondly, most if not all of my 500+ watchers have probably abandoned the platform or completely forgot they even followed me. Third, people will no doubt see the cringe of the past crop up in silly old journals or old links to old artworks and the old 1337 sp34k language I was so fond of abusing. So even though I decided to come back, why not just make a new account? Why not just start again?

God, I'm so sick of restarting. Besides, nothing like a good bit of spit-shine and dusting to revive a virtually dead account.

I don't know what really to expect. Maybe it's all just one big experiment to see how far it'll go. Maybe it's to see what the kind of changes dA's made that could affect how I can interact with my following and how they can interact with me. Maybe it'll stay pretty dead and I'll abandon it once more in five years time or some such. It's always a gambit.

But frankly, it's nice. This account has 12 years of history behind it. Even though I didn't have many interactive followers or get a lot of attention, it was a thrill when it did happen. Back when things were simpler and I wasn't thrust into a world of competition and I just drew because I loved it and just had fun. It's nice to look back and remember what that feeling was like, when I couldn't care about algorithms or watcher patterns or risk and reward.

All in all, I think of this as a fresh start on its own. Dust off the old gallery, as it were. Polish it up a little. Keep the memories stored safely where everything can still be accessed, but now it's less crazy and all over the place.

2020 may be getting off to a rocky start, but hopefully this return to DeviantART will be just what I need. I look forward to seeing where this goes next.

~Jake